Thursday, November 12, 2015

Onye Iga Eji Gbaa Christmas

By Franklin Ofodeme

I was strolling to the fruit shop to buy fruits for myself, because mmadu aburo nku. Then I saw this girl with a lot of things on her back walking slowly in front of me. She was very fair in a way that seemed natural. She got a slim back with all the flesh on her body centred on her below and as if that was not enough, she was wearing very tight jeans that made the 'weighty' flesh on her buttocks seem uncomfortable. So when she walked, the flesh went 'flap flap', but I was not looking. (Honestly, I was not looking).
I made sure my gaze was above her head as I walked behind her to avoid the evil of seeing the 'flap flap', because only yesterday, I had a lot of banana and I see no wisdom in tempting the devil. Then one man did that snake sound, 'sssss!. She turned sharply to see if the man was calling her. But no. The man just dey stop bike. After a few seconds, another person made the same sound, 'sssss! She turned in anticipation, but no. Na shoe-maker dem wan stop. She seemed disappointed, but 'flap flap' her below continued as she went on ahead.

When I got to the fruit shop, I stopped to buy me some fruits and almost immediately, another 'ssss' sounded and she turned in anticipation. Fortunately for her, that was Emeka calling her. Emeka was buying fruits too. He motioned at her to stop, so she turned and waited for Emeka to come forth, but Emeka didn't move an inch. Instead, he burst out laughing saying on top of his voice, 'ina acho onye iga eji gbaa Christmas!

Then it occurred to me again that December is a few weeks ahead and as men are hustling, women are hustling by all means. This period, men and women alike should all be on the alert, before ihe mmadu ahoo nke onye ozo.

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