Monday, March 16, 2015

LOL! Hilarious jokes from Justin Bieber Roast.


How often do we mere mortals get to watch pretty, rich and famous people get taken down a notch? Not too frequently but when it does happen it's never better than the annual comedy central roast, and Justin Bieber was the victim this year.

Kevin Hart, Snoop Dogg, Jeff Ross, Shaquille O'Neal, Ludacris and a host others all took turns to roast Justin who requested he be the victim this year as a 21st birthday present.

Some Jokes from the roast:

“Selena Gomez wanted to be here but she’s dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?” – Jeffrey Ross

“Justin has f—-ed more models than bulimia. He’s the only thing they swallow and don’t throw back up.” — SNL's Pete Davidson

"Justin’s fan are called beliebers because it’s politically incorrect to use the word retards." – Natasha Legerro

“When your momma was 17 years old and got pregnant, everybody told her to get an abortion, and they still trying to convince her right now.” – Snoop Dogg

"When you get to the county jail, hear me, you're gonna be the first dude who ever had a girlfriend and a boyfriend named Gomez." – Snoop Dogg

“You have a tattoo of Jesus. Why you gotta bring Jesus in your mess? That man has suffered enough.” – Shaquille O’Neal

"Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you — and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their hair cut." – Jeff Ross

“He’s actually considered American because no Canadian has ever been this big of an asshole. The man proves we’re protecting the wrong border.” – Kevin Hart

“There are rumors you might have been dating Kendall Jenner. What dating site did you meet on, OKStupid?” – Jeffrey Ross

People refer to Mr Bieber as a kid or a boy. Well here's a newsflash, gang: He's a man. A full-grown man, who works and loves and makes things with his hands. A man who sings songs for nine-year-olds and cuts his hair like a gay figure skater." – 
Will Ferrell

"Justin you have no idea what you're in for. I'm sure it's great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower." – Martha Stewart

“Luda and I [spent] a lot of hours making the song ‘Baby’ together. In fact, he told me it was the only baby he ever made on purpose. “ – Justin Bieber

“Snoop, you look like Ludacris going through chemo. ” – Chris D’Elia

“Tonight we’re going to give what his parents and the legal system should have done years ago. We’re going to give this boy an ass-whoopin.’” – Kevin Hart
“Ebola patients hear about ‘Bieber fever’ and say, ‘I’m gonna go ahead and ride this one out.’”

"Martha is so old, her first period was the Renaissance." – SNL's Pete Davidson

“You would never know that Snoop is 43, which is three times as long as actual dogs live and twice as long as most of his friends.” – Martha Stewart

“It’s amazing to have Shaq and Kevin here. Is this a roast or is this Tyler Perry’s Of Mice And Men?” – Hannibal Buress

"This kid has spunk, moxie and probably a few other STDs. I always encouraged people to stay classy. And what’s more classy than hanging out with Floyd Mayweather?" – 
Will Ferrell

"Justin, you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most-hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that high. And he uses your music to torture people." – Shaquille O’Neal

"Justin wants to be black so bad he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters." – Ludacris

“He has the voice of an angel and has the haircut and tattoos of a lesbian butcher.” – Kevin Hart

“He signed the guest book at the Anne Frank House and saying he hoped Anne would have been a Belieber, but instead she lucked out and died at a concentration camp.” – Hannibal Buress

“Kevin is from Philadelphia just like Bill Cosby and just like Bill Cosby, women can’t tell when Kevin is inside of them.” – Snoop Dogg

“You’re such a poser and you act so black I’m surprised you haven’t been choked to death by the NYPD.” – Chris D’Elia

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